Finding Time

How do you find time to do all that you do?
I struggle with time management. I really do. For instance, I have 7 tabs open on my Chrome browser. Four of those browsers are for Facebook. One for this page. Another is for an author page I am working on a book launch/review with. Then, the last tab I have open is for a review company I have been with since 2002.  I wonder if I have ADD?  Oh yea, I am listening to a message about lying and it is on Lifechurch.tv. Not my usual cup of church. I tend to navigate towards IFB ( Independent Fundamental Baptist )
I am also spending time with a Jacks that keeps coming up to me in the office and wants to be picked up and spin in Nana’s chair. Or, I am fixing the Kindle for her, either putting on a drawing ap, or the piano ap, or putting on the Veggie Tale movie we have on there for her.
I tend to not stick with a schedule, though, I do better on them. But tell me I need to be up at 6 am, or even by 9am and I will laugh at you, unless I HAVE to get up at that time for something that is beyond my control.

So, you can surmise that spending time with God is not first on my list. I am ashamed to say that. I always make these huge plans on reading through the bible in a year at the beginning of each year. I tell myself each night as I go to sleep that I will get up, and I will pray and I will read some scripture. Instead, I get up each day, I grab my phone, I click on the alarm and shut it off. I then head to Facebook to see what is going on in the world. Yuck!
I know, I heard you. Bad Ginger. Truth be told, I bet you do it too.

I know I don’t have to wake up and pray. Prayer is good no matter the time. However, I want to put on the whole armor of God right away. So, I can be ready for the day. Any good suggestions? Let me know in the comments please!

Finding time to bake and cook. How does one do that? I LOVE cooking and baking. I will be making time for that. What is a blog without a cooking section?

I figured out a lot of my issue is with Facebook. I LOVE reading about other how other folks are spending their day. Or reading some newsworthy items. But, I tend to get involved with debates. I also tend to post silly stuff. So that said, time on FB is going to be severely limited. Plus, I am cutting my FB down to whatever helps me grow as a Christian, an AVON rep, or a blogger.  I will keep various friends and family. But will be limiting my time on that. Most of them really do not post like I do. I am sure there are those that have limited my postings. I tend to post things that are very political and religious that does not really help anything other than getting me tagged as a pain.

I spend far too much time doing things I should not be, and not enough time what I should be doing. So, if you don’t hear from me, especially on FB, you now know why. I have much to be doing, much to look forward to. Spending time on the computer other than for work is not a good idea. I will continue to blog, I will continue to do all my other commitments. I love blogging. I have a few blog posts in mind. I have a few idea’s running through my head. Some will be ignored. Others will not like what I post. And well others, they might go well. We shall see.

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Adding to My Thoughts

I am okay. At the moment at least. I have been a lot more emotional lately and more verbal than I usually am about my feelings.

OK, so I am just more verbal than I usually am. I am a very verbal and emotional person.

I have so many things in my head.

This is what I do know.

I KNOW without a doubt I have a home in heaven. I know that I am saved. I know I am LOVED by God. I know that should be enough.

Jamie is a GREAT  husband. He is always there for me and knows when to leave me alone. He also knows when to just hold me. He also knows when to tell me shut up, and quit acting like a child. I guess I kinda do. Especially when I don’t get my way on something. God knew what he was doing when he put Jamie into my life almost 12 years ago. I love my husband more than anything in this world. He is my best friend. I love him to the moon and back.

I have great kids. But, I hold on to them too tight. I am afraid to let go. If I let go, they won’t want to be near me. If I could have it my way, my kids would never leave the house. I would just build another wing onto the house when they got married so they would have their own space but I could be there for them and with them,

I know, I am pathetic.

I love my family in NY. It is not their fault I am the way that I am. I am just different and who wants to be around different? I had a kid at 16 and no one really knew what to do. When my sister followed suit.. I guess we were on this side of the line and they were on the other.

It was installed in my head at a young age, that my mom was never did anything with her life. Both by my mom, then my grandmother and my dad. Gram was always putting her down. I guess she compared mom to my aunt who is super smart and wonderful. She is. She is an awesome aunt. I wasn’t there then. But mom always felt like she didn’t live up to gram’s expectations so she stopped trying. Dad did the same thing, only he compared mom to his ex-wife. Who is his wife now. Who is so very awesome. I am told now, I am just like my mom. Maybe I am. Maybe I am not. I don’t know.

I wanted to be a mom after I had Casey. Nothing else mattered. When I got married to Jamie, we had Jonah together and he was the glue that held me together for a while. I had PPP. Post Partum Psychosis. Jonah was the only reason I was alive. No one else could nurse him like me and he needed to be nursed. My grandmother would come out to the house with her sister and would yell at me because my house was not clean etc. I was a bad wife, Jamie was going to leave me since I did not get up at 4 am to make his breakfast and gather his lunch. He never did leave. But I have yet to make his breakfast.

Even before dementia took her completely away, she would mention each time I visited with her, that Jamie is going to leave me because I gained weight, or I don’t make his breakfast. The man never eats breakfast ok! It was just something she always said. Or, I turned out like my mom.

I joined many a group over the years, both in person as well as online. I joined groups for Christians, groups for moms, groups for Christian moms. I never really fit in. I joined groups for moms with many children as 4 is a lot in most minds. I didn’t fit in. If you are not like the majority, you just don’t fit and you get to know it too.

I have great friends here in TN and still in NY, and even places I have never been. Like Oklahoma. I don’t want to diminish that. I have met some of the most wonderful people because of my business. I have met some of the most wonderful people because of FB. I don’t want to lessen that at all. I just don’t feel like I fit in. Maybe I am just childish. Maybe I just never got past that stage where friends are your world.

I know we define who we are. We choose how we live and what we do. I get that. But, my brain just never shuts off in the thinking department.

It is mostly my fault I am the way that I am. I have disappointed people over the years. I talk too much, I am fat. I also don’t pick up the phone to call or text anyone. I don’t want to bother anyone.

I don’t ever want to be a bother.

18 and Life

Is now just beginning for my daughter. Well, sorta. As a teen parent, her life as an adult began the day she gave birth to her daughter Jacklynn. But now as a legal adult, she can legally set out in this world to accomplish many a great thing. Or, she can choose to sit on behind and do nothing.

To be honest, I did not see her life come to this point. But, she has a strong will power. She can use that for a number of things. She can finish her getting her high school education by grabbing her GED and head off to a local college to get her degree in nursing, she can find a job and work till she can afford to move to an area that she rather go to school in, or just work. All of which are acceptable to me and her dad. What is not acceptable is not living for Christ.

Now to be honest and fair, Jamie and I have not been the model parents for someone to want to follow Christ. We have failed terribly. We have run the whole gamut of Christianity. We have not at all lived like Christians. We have been the Sunday only Christians, and we have pretended to be Christians in hoping it would stick. As parents, we have done a great disservice to Casey and her brothers. We never set a high standard to achieve. We did not make them read their bibles or even attend church. We were what the church calls a dead Christian. We are saved and I know that Casey is saved. I know she has a home in heaven.

I want to publicly apologize to my daughter.  I have ruined her life. I was not a great mother. I did not protect her from certain things and we allowed far too much of the world in our home. For that, I am so sorry Casey. To you and to your brothers. I know I have told that to them, but now I am telling the world that I am a bad mom.

Casey is 18 today.

She is still my princess. I can still see in my mind’s eye, Casey at 2 looking at me with her hands on her hips telling me, ” my name is NOT Casey, it is Princess.”  Casey said, she was the princess of the world. She was and is still the princess of my world. I would do anything to help her to overcome the stigma of being a teen mom. I would gladly take away any tears she might shed. I love her so very much. I know she can do so much in this life for Christ, and for her daughter. I pray daily for her to walk the right road, to not follow in my footsteps. To want better for herself and her daughter. I pray daily for a Godly young man to walk into Casey’s life.

I pray daily for her and I to become close. We do not have a close relationship and that I am afraid is my fault. I am more like my mom than I care to admit. My mom was not the nurturing type. She was happy to just sit in front and watch the tv. I am not a big tv watcher, but there are other things I have put in front of God and my children. All that has been ending and I am sorry that it has taken this long.

Ginger Barber Photography | Senior PhotoI totally monopolized this post about things that don’t really matter to anyone but myself. Today is Casey’s birthday. For dinner, we are eating fried chicken, mashed potato’s, flaky biscuits  and fruit of some sort. She gets to hang out for the last time of her life at our house and do nothing. See, the kids in our home, on their birthdays do not have to do anything. No chores, no cooking, no cleaning, no schoolwork and such. It is a good day for them.

If you think of it, pray for her! Pray that she will get on fire for God. Get on fire for being a good mama. Pray for her to do well with whatever she decides to do.

Dear Casey…

I love you more than you will ever know. You are my Princess and my firecracker. You can make me smile on the bleakest days. I love you!

 

 

Guess What….

I am a sinner.

Yep, me, I am a sinner. Not just any sinner. I am a sinner saved by grace.

Does that mean I am perfect? No ma’am. I am not perfect. Far from it.

I am far from perfect. I make mistakes, on a daily basis.

Sometimes, on an hourly basis.

But you know what? That’s ok. God’s grace is sufficient for me.

What I dislike, is the hypocrisy by other Christians.  If you write something or say something that is not main-stream, you are then told you are not a Christian.

What I also do not understand, and I am just as guilty as the next, is when a Christian does something that may or may not be wrong biblically,  but we are so quick to judge that person. We hold up others to a higher standard than we hold ourselves.
An example would be, a person wearing pants. Or, someone who got a tattoo, or a piercing. We are so quick to judge that person.

We used to go to a wonderful church, I loved that church and the people in the church. So did my family. There was this woman there who had a household of boys and a couple of girls. Anyways, Casey had made a jumper. Her very first I might add. It was beautiful. She did the entire thing by herself. She was quite proud of her jumper and it fit, like it is supposed too. She went to service, and was told by this woman that her jumper was way too tight and she needed to refrain from wearing such things because she has boys that might look her way. Let me throw in here that Casey had not yet sprouted, OK? So, she was flat. Nothing poking out. Nada.

Casey never sewed again. We ended up selling her sewing machine. She wants nothing to do with it again.Was it too tight? No! Not in the least. But it was also not so big on her it made her look dowdy.

Someone was so quick to judge my daughter. This woman also wanted to know if she was saved because she wore something so provocative.

We are also quick to judge that someone is being too legalistic because they might wear a hair covering, or they dress kinda plain. We are quick to point out if someone is not reading a specific bible version. And yes, before I get comments on it. I am KJV only. I believe that it is the inspired word of God. But, I also know my God is bigger than the written word. I know that he will and can use anything including the heathen NIV or NASB bibles.

Why are Christian so quick to judge their brethren? The church is falling away fast. Members are leaving. Why? Is it because of the world? Undoubtably. Let’s face it, the world is much more accepting of a Christian, than a Christian is of a Christian. Why is that? Why is that as a Christian, we only see the fault of the person in front of us instead of a sinner saved by Grace? None of us are perfect. But we sure do expect our fellow brethren to be. The best part is, we will judge the person, though we are doing the same thing! I see it all the time with one of my children. He is quick to tell on his sibling. Upon questioning, he was the one that started doing whatever he decided he didn’t like. He would also still be doing it right up till he came to tattle. He is STILL doing it LOL.But man alive, if you call him out on it. He throws a huge temper tantrum.

Now there is righteous judgement. And we are to be fruit inspectors. God says so right in his world. Bible says, by their fruits we shall know them. We can know if a person is truly serving the Lord or if she is giving lip service. Is their fruit in their life? Bible also says we need to be careful who we allow around us. What we watch and what we listen to. Seriously, do you want a person who is smoking dope to be your best friend? Not really. But the bible does not say to ignore that person either. We are to be a witness to that person. We do have to watch our testimony as well. If we go out on some drinking binge with family on Friday, we can not expect them to take us serious about salvation on Saturday. It could happen, but I find it hard to believe.

So, i set out in this near year, working on the things I want to work on, I have to keep reminding myself that the person in front of me is a Christian too ( if they say they are) and give them some grace.

Because God gave me some grace.

  Romans 5:15   But not as the offence, so also is the free gift. For if through the offence of one many be dead, much more the grace of God, and the gift by grace,which is by one man, Jesus Christ, hath abounded unto many.

Romans 5:17   For if by one man’s offence death reigned by one; much more they which receive abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness shall reign in life by one, Jesus Christ.)

Romans 5:20   Moreover the law entered, that the offence might abound. But where sin abounded, grace did much more abound:

Romans 5:21   That as sin hath reigned unto death, even so might grace reign through righteousness unto eternal life by Jesus Christ our Lord.

Faith

Faith is having a belief in something you do not see.

We do not see the air we are breathing, yet, we know it is there.

Dictionary.com defines faith as :

faith

[feyth] Show IPA

noun

1.

confidence or trust in a person or thing: faith in another’s ability.
2.

belief that is not based on proof: He had faith that the hypothesis would be substantiated by fact.
3.

belief in God or in the doctrines or teachings of religion: the firm faith of the Pilgrims.
4.

belief in anything, as a code of ethics, standards of merit, etc.: to be of the same faith with someone concerning honesty.
5.

a system of religious belief: the Christian faith; the Jewish faith.

Having Faith in God is a huge thing. I mean, we do not see God. Yet, I know, I know he is real. I know he is here in my life.

But, having faith, is hard.

It is hard to put your whole trust in someone, or something.

We, as humans tend to put our trust in man, and then we are let down.

Duh.

A big double duh!

Being married, you would think, we could put our complete trust in our spouses right?

Not adding a dig to my husband. He is human. Humans fail.

We all do. I know, I have let my husband down over and over again.

Not cooking a dinner, or doing laundry. Having a messy house, or not even being romantic. I am at fault for each of those.

But, God. God on the other hand we can have complete trust in.

Oh sure, he might not answer our prayers,

the way we want them to be answered that is.

Or, the time frame we want it answered in.

But he does answer them each and every time.

We just have to be patient, and have faith.

We know that there is air, though we can not see it.

But we know it is there.

We know there is wind, but again, we do not see it. We see the leaves flutter.

So, if we have faith that our next breath will have oxygen in it. Why is it so hard for us to have faith in Him?

All we need is faith. And, it does not take much.

Matthew 17:20   And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.

All we need is Faith.