This is Casey’s birth story and she has given me permission to share it.
It is more than just a birth story, it is almost like a life story. It is hers, and her alone. I am a pretty proud mama. Casey is a beautiful soul and I can learn something from her. She has a heart of gold.
All honor and glory are His.
A Whole New World
I never thought that a year ago I would be sitting in this chair holding my almost 3 week old daughter. If you asked me this time then if I wanted children it would be on the iffy side. I changed my mind a lot on the subject growing up. If you asked me if I was having sex with my boyfriend I would be denying it. Strongly denying it!
I was a really rebellious teenager to start with. I was mad whenever things didn’t go my way. But, at first I wasn’t doing anything really. It was all in my head. Cursing my parents and just being mean and hard to live with. But, when my parents decided to move to Tennessee is when all the outward stuff happened.
That year I had recently went back to Public School, which didn’t help my attitude. The foulness just seeped into my heart. The things my eyes were opened to were not supposed to be introduced to a wild at heart teen. I had never seen drugs, didn’t know how sex went, didn’t know a lot. But, the world showed me through my “Friends”.
Close to my “Sweet 16” my parents made the “Official” announcement we were for sure, 100%, set in stone, moving to TN. In fact, on my 16th birthday we were in TN. I had my “Birthday party” at a complete strangers house. I was NOT happy. I was LIVID. All my family and friends were back at home in New York. My LIFE was there. The boy I wanted to marry since I was 13 was in New York! How could they do this to me? How could they take me from all I know and love? Those were my thoughts. If they thought I was going to be happy here they had another thing coming! I was so stupid!
A couple months after we moved I met my first official boyfriend. The boy I would lose my virginity to a month later, the same boy who 3 weeks after that cheated on me and left me for a middle schooler. My bad boy boyfriend my parents didn’t like broke my heart. I lost the most precious things to a boy I dated because I knew my parents wouldn’t approve of, all because I was mad and bitter. How dumb!
Now comes the interesting stuff! A week later I started dating the friend of my ex he hated. And, I now understand why! This boy was a basket case! Depression, Bi-Polar, Anger issues, he was as mental as he could get. Or so I thought. He was sweet though. He liked to butter me up, and he was 18. Another boy my parents wouldn’t like. I never intended to date him long. I didn’t like him all THAT much. But, he liked me THAT much. If he even thought I was slipping he would start his speech.
“If I ever lost you baby, I wouldn’t have anything to live for. You are my everything, if you left me I would kill myself.”
I was so afraid to leave him! I sounded serious. I didn’t want his blood on my hands. So, I stayed longer.
During this time, we of course were doing stuff we shouldn’t. And, we were lying to my parents about it.
“No, we aren’t kissing”
“No, we aren’t having sex”
“No we ARE never alone” (Half truth, his family was home… just not with us)
In time, his family was kicked out of their home. His Grandfather lost his home and found a new place to stay. My boyfriend told me he had no where to go. That his Grandfather didn’t have room for him. We told my mom that he was homeless, and needed a place to stay. My parents have big hearts, and, they decided to let him stay. Not in my room, but, he stayed with my brothers.
My parents had grown to like him by now. Trust him. They also now knew of all his short comings. His anger, and how often it flared. How often we would fight. How he physically beat himself, put me down. How he used his mental-ness against me. I wasn’t allowed to leave his side. But, my Mom tried to work with him. Build him up. He only put on a better show.
Since my parents liked him they continued with their daily lives. My Dad went to College everyday, and my Mom to work. We were left with my brothers home alone. My parents thought that since they left us with tattle-tales we weren’t going to do anything stupid. But, how easily my brothers were fooled. We were in fact continuing our sin. In my parents home. I was setting my self up for disaster.
And, my day came.
One day I woke up feeling sick to my stomach. It was awful! I went to school though, thinking it would pass. It didn’t. It never did. On top of that, I was late. Fear settled in. I was convinced I was pregnant. I KNEW I was pregnant.
After school I went to my best friend with my fear. I knew I couldn’t get a test by myself. She talked her mom into getting my cheapy test. I went with them that Saturday, October 1st, to get some stuff before going to my church for the Harvest Party. I took the test in Dollar General’s bathroom. It looked negative to me. I was so relieved! But, as the test was passed around to my friends in the car, they noticed a VERY faint line. Doomed…. my first thought. We drove in silence, except for me denying what they saw. They showed the test to my boyfriend when we arrived at the church.
He was shocked. He got in my friends car with my friends and left me. He said he would be back. And, sure enough an hour or two later he showed up. With an engagement ring.
He asked my parents to marry me. They said NO!
They had good reasons. One, they didn’t know yet. Two, I was too young. Three, he had NO job NO support. He was mad they had said no, so my parents asked the pastor to come and council us.
Now, I had no plan on how to tell my parents. I was thinking of mailing it to them with an apology. But, with the Pastor coming, it was like killing two birds with one stone. But, before I could tell anyone I wanted to be 100% sure. So, I had my friends mom buy me a better test. At school, that Monday, I took the next test. Positive. Two blue lines.
That Tuesday we all sat down together. The Pastor, My Parents, and us. The Pastor rambled on about something to do with ducks and waiting. I was waiting for the perfect moment. So when the pastor took a breather and asked for my thoughts I blurted it.
“The reason he wants to marry me…is….because I am pregnant.”
Shock went across my moms face. My dad was expressionless. The pastor had no words. My boyfriend sat in silence. My mom ran off, my dad followed to console her. The pastor gained back some thoughts.
“That changes everything.” He started to talk to my boyfriend about manning up and taking his place. Doing his job as a father. Eventually my parents came back and the discussion continued. Hardest thing ever.
Fast forwarding a bit, my relationship got worse. He couldn’t hold down a job for more than a couple days. He got back into pills. Fights got worse. The abuse got worse, he never hit me, but, he did throw things at me. His lies went wild. He got secretive. The control he had on me got to an extreme. It became a nightmare. So bad my mom had to take me 2 hours away to get a break. That did me good. A couple days to really think if I wanted my baby to go through that too. No way! I wanted it to get better.
I gave him a chance to get better. No change for the better, only worse. So, the day before Thanksgiving I broke it off. Kicked him to the curb. I was done. For good this time. No changing my mind. And, it was for the better.
Instantly he got even worse. Threats to kill himself on Facebook, his attitude mean. He denied my pregnancy (Even though he was there for the first ultrasound) When I found out the gender he denied her completely because he wanted a boy. I made the decision then I was doing this all alone. He didn’t deserve to be a father. A dad doesn’t do that. He didn’t care about her, it was about me. He hated me, so he was going to make me miserable. He stalked me. He walked by my house several times a day ( even though he now lived on the other side of town) He even walked by my church when we let out. He had friends watching me! He knew where I was and what I was doing at all times. It got to the point where I had to delete all the friends that knew him or were from my town off my Facebook. Even extreme measures as to calling the police. I knew my daughter NEEDED better.
Enough about that, fast forward again through my pregnancy. Through the morning sickness, Braxton Hicks, and funny belly movements. All 39 weeks.
By 39 weeks I was so done with my pregnancy. I was miserable. My back hurt all the time and I couldn’t walk very much. I went to the doctor that Friday for my regular appointment. I was then 2cm dilated and 50% effaced. She had asked me if I was still planning natural. I wasn’t thinking about the question and just said yes. She then asked to strip my membranes, I said yes! Anything to go faster. After we were done my mom asked why I had said yes to natural… I could of been set up to be induced. UGH! Why was I so muddle brained!
Saturday was Horrid!! My back was screaming, no amount of Tylenol was making it better. So I called the OB on call at the hospital and explained my dilemma. She said it could be early labor, not enough to be hospitalized. But, she told me she would text my OB and talk to her about being induced Monday, if I didn’t go on my own before then. I had to call the next morning to confirm. I was so excited! I could be holding my baby so soon! I barely got any sleep that night, and bright and early Sunday morning I called. I was on schedule for Monday 5:30AM. Whoopie!!!!!!
I told my mom the news and we were ecstatic. We stayed home from church to prepare for the day ahead. We had all of two hours of sleep that night.
We woke up before the sun Monday morning, around 3AM. We checked our bags and got on the road about 4:30AM. The longest 45 minutes had started. No time for breakfast at home so we stopped for my last meal at the local McDonald’s. Closed. What McDonald’s is closed at 4:38 in the morning! I was NOT impressed. So we decided to stop in the next town. It looked dead there… but as we pulled into the drive through the glorious voice rang “Welcome to McDonald’s, can I take your order?” Yes Ma’am! I scarfed down my Bacon, egg, and cheese bagel, and drank my orange juice. I had nothing to do now but wait, watching the daybreak.
Finally the long drive was over. We pulled into the hospital parking lot at 5:24. We pulled out all the bags and walked awkwardly into the hospital. But, not before my mom could snap my final pregnancy picture. The last baby bump. I got all registered and waited for the nurse to bring us up, my daughter jumping around. All I could think about was how soon those wild legs would be in my arms. The journey to the second floor was spent in excitement and nerves.
My nurses slowly got the last information they needed and got my hooked to my IV. One nurse was asking about my back pain, asking me to rate it 1-10. Now, I thought it was bad, I said 8.
“I’m putting a 5, cause Hunny, you haven’t felt no 8 yet” she laughed
Around 7:45 they started the Pitocin. Contractions, while not intense just there, started immediately. The Pastor came to pray with me, and chat for a bit. He had other business so he left soon. So, it was only my mom, dad, two of my brothers, and I left to find ways to entertain ourselves. TV had nothing really good on yet. Only little children shows. We settled for some Peter Pan show on Disney. The baby entertained the nurse by constantly kicking her heart rate monitor off, so every 10-20 minutes the nurse would come in and fix it. Poor woman!
Around 12:15 or so my dad decided to take my brothers to eat, since I couldn’t and they didn’t wanna be a tease. 12:45 the OB decided it was time to break my water. My mom thought that after that she would have a few minutes to get lunch herself before I was in any real pain. WRONG! As soon as she left my 1-1 1/12 contractions became more intense. Now, that the water broke more like it I could actually feel the pain of them. They weren’t absorbed by the water.
Now, I wasn’t planning on pain meds. I had a back up plan of IV meds if it became too much. I was dead set against the Epidural. HA!
I got my first IV med and the pain wasn’t going away fast enough. Contractions still every minute or so. I was having bad back labor. I felt like I was dying. No amount of breathing techniques were going to help. I asked for the epidural an hour later. Unfortunately the guy was taking FOREVER. I was in pain and I wanted relief NOW. But I waited patiently… and then another pregnant lady needed him first. She came in 6cm dilated. So the worse get it first. It was another hour before he came in. By then I was shaking so bad from the medication and the pain. My dad had left my bedside to relieve me off the bored and antsy brothers in the room. the nurse held my in position with my mom for the epidural since I couldn’t control the shaking. I wanted to scream, the last thing I wanted was a needle in my back during contractions. And to make it worse, he missed and hit something he shouldn’t, and had to fish for the spot. But, finally it was in and I was receiving my relief. The cold chills went down my back as the medicine started its cycle.
I was feeling so much better. I could feel the pressure of contractions, but not the pain. The only issue… my legs and toes went numb.
All there was left to do was wait. And we did. There were two other ladies having babies at that time. We were racing, all almost there. I was last though. When the doctor came in to update me, and told me I was 9 and 100% but the lady next door was 10 and ready to go, I felt pressure. More than the contraction. I told my mom I feel like a baby is coming. Sure enough, she was. When my OB came back, the baby was going to crown herself even if the doctor wasn’t there. My Dad and brothers had just left again.
We started getting ready to push. All the stuff was ready, and I had my mirror. One nurse and my mom held my legs up. As soon as my next contraction I waited for my cue
“Ok push… harder… harder.. pushpushpush”
My mom and the nurse were counting.
“1…2…3…4…5…6…7…8…9…10… Breathe and right back into it 1..” over and over.
I could see her head in my mirror. Round and full of dark hair. Yes, my prayer had been answered, a baby with hair!
At 7:16pm on Monday, June 4th Jacklynn Joon entered my life. My beautiful 7.2 lbs, 20 1/4in long, baby girl. She came out screaming and kicking. She wanted to nurse. I stared in amazement at my beautiful baby girl. Love at first sight. The only good thing to come of my failure of a life. The only good thing her sperm donor did. I wanted to cry. But, I didn’t. I let the nurses take her to dry off a little before she nursed. I watched my OB as she finished up and delivered my placenta. Nasty thing, kinda like a big red water balloon.
I had the perfect birth, no tearing, no stitches. My baby was perfect.
I latched her on for the first time, and my struggles with breastfeeding started. Well, it wasn’t that bad. A little sore, and weird feeling.
After she was done the family got to hold her a bit before the nursery came and took her away for a bath and routine stuff. My first break. To really take it all in. My dad and brothers came and hugged me before they had to leave for the night. Good thing because I was so tired. I zonked out until the nurse came in and wanted me to pee. Never thought something like that would be so hard! But, I did it!
The nursery brought her back and I nursed. She was a very alert newborn! She didn’t want to sleep! She stared at everything. I finally got tired and handed her to her Nana, still alert. Finally Nana got her asleep and we all got a nap until nursing or the nursery wanted her. When my epidural finally wore off, I had to move rooms. Walking was difficult, I was in so much pain! That didn’t go away for days and days later. But showers and the sitz bath helped. Scratch that, they were life savers! Felt amazing!
We had some trouble nursing later the next day, she didn’t want to latch so we didn’t get much sleep. We tried everything. Pumping. Tricking her with Sugar water. She just wouldn’t latch. And if she did she wasn’t getting anything. So, when it was time to go home we were both a crying mess. But, finally the soothing car ride quieted her into a deep sleep and we both had a nap. And, when we got home she was still sleeping, so we had more much needed sleep.
Now, I sit here 3 weeks later. Holding my little baby girl in my lap. We aren’t having any issues. We are perfect and happy. My relationships with my family are much better. My relationship with God is getting better. I am still in church and serving God wherever I can. I am not dating right now, and I am still living with my parents. They are so fond of their Granddaughter and are currently supporting both of us. Papa especially loves her.
I have plans to get a job and finish my senior year at home. After Graduation I will be going to nursing school. My life isn’t over because I have a baby at 17. God took my broken, rebellious teenager life and made me into the best thing ever. A Mom.