I do not often post anymore. With working a full time job, plus overtime. Trying in vain to be with my husband and children. I do not often find the time, nor do I have any brain power to think of something to say. When I do, by the time I get back to this space, it has left me.
Being sick in bed, for 2 days now, has left me a lot of time to reflect and think. Reflect on this past year.
We started the year off on an ok note. We had zero money, no way to pay rent, and of course we were on food stamps. We close the year, with both of us working, lots of food that could be bought if I had the time. With bills caught up and money in the bank, however small that change is, it is in the bank.
The in between is what is important. We have grown away from God, and yet, I feel closer to him now more then ever. How does that compute? I have no idea. I hardly step foot in church, or read my bible. Yet, my prayer time has increased. I pray for safety for my husband as he goes out to work, I pray for safety for my children who go to school. Yes, that is new too, school. More on that reflection later. I pray for my family and friends. Rejoicing in their good times and grieving in their pain.
In the last year, some folks have gone home to Glory. Some have gone on to hell. It is never too late to get that part in your life right. According to his Word, hell is not a place I would want to end up.
I have reflected on many things. The beginning of this year, I wore nothing but skirts. I end wearing my pants more often then naught. I am not as conservative as I used to be, yet, I am more conservative then what I used to be. Hard to explain that one.
We started this year happy we were moving, only to find out this was not the time. We are ending the year with knowing we are moving. We have lots of things already in place and we are glad to be going. We wanted to move to Chattanooga, yet, we are now moving to Nashville. DH is going back to school. Once he is done, I should be able to come back home, or at the very least work part time. A momma should never have to be this much away from her children.There are instances where it can not be helped. But, there are instances where it can be.
There are things I do not understand. Why did God take home a man that has 8 children and lives for the Lord. Yet, leaves behind a family that is walking away from him? Would he not get more use out of the first? The ways of God I will never understand.
I have no idea what 2011 is going to bring. It is the 10 year anniversary of 9/11. 10 years dh and I have been married. 16 years that I have been a mom. Major milestones in my family. Our first huge move, my first 16 year old.
A year ago, we could not afford Christmas, yet this year, we helped another family with theirs. A year ago, I was praying for money to buy them presents, and today I am amazed at why I didn’t spend more.
My prayer this year is
to bring honor and glory to the Lord.
Bring back my wayward children to his fold. At least assist them and pray for them.
Pray for my husband more, prayers that he will see the need to live a more godly life.
Pray for myself that I will walk the the talk. I sure can talk the talk, now if I can walk the talk, life would be much better. Or it could be harder. As time goes on, we Christians are being persecuted more and more. Maybe not being burnt at the stake, or what not. But, by not being able to have a voice. More children are dying and going to hell then ever before. More Christians are turning away from what is right just to go along with society. It is just easier. I know, I do it often. I do not speak up since I would be a minority in my thinking.
We have family that has discarded us. My daughter was told she was never liked by her grandmother. Her paternal grandparents move on and because she does not bow down to them, have told her they do not want anything to do with her.
We met new family this year. Only time will tell where our place will be with them. Will we just be on Facebook with them, or will we get together and hug and love on each other like there was never a time they were apart. Time will only tell.
I hope to close out 2010 with knowing who I am, and who I want to be, and where to go from here.