The Homeschooler’s Christmas Wish List

The Homeschooler’s Christmas Wish List

From Secular Homeschooling Magazine, Issue #1

1 Please stop asking us if it’s legal. If it is — and it is — it’s
Insulting to imply that we’re criminals. And if we were criminals,
Would
We admit it?

2 Learn what the words “socialize” and “socialization” mean, and use
The
One you really mean instead of mixing them up the way you do now.
Socializing means hanging out with other people for fun.
Socialization
Means having acquired the skills necessary to do so successfully and
Pleasantly. If you’re talking to me and my kids, that means that we
Do
In fact go outside now and then to visit the other human beings on
The
Planet, and you can safely assume that we’ve got a decent grasp of
Both
Concepts.

3 Quit interrupting my kid at her dance lesson, scout meeting, choir
Practice, baseball game, art class, field trip, park day, music
Class,
4H club, or soccer lesson to ask her if as a homeschooler she ever
Gets
To socialize.

4 Don’t assume that every homeschooler you meet is homeschooling for
The
Same reasons and in the same way as that one homeschooler you know.

5 If that homeschooler you know is actually someone you saw on TV,
Either on the news or on a “reality” show, the above goes double.

6 Please stop telling us horror stories about the homeschoolers you
Know, know of, or think you might know who ruined their lives by
Homeschooling. You’re probably the same little bluebird of happiness
Whose hobby is running up to pregnant women and inducing premature
Labor
By telling them every ghastly birth story you’ve ever heard. We all
Hate
You, so please go away.

7 We don’t look horrified and start quizzing your kids when we hear
They’re in public school. Please stop drilling our children like
Potential oil fields to see if we’re doing what you consider an
Adequate
Job of homeschooling.

8 We didn’t go through all the reading, learning, thinking, weighing
Of
Options, experimenting, and worrying that goes into homeschooling
Just
To annoy you. Really. This was a deeply personal decision, tailored
To
The specifics of our family. Stop taking the bare fact of our being
Homeschoolers as either an affront or a judgment about your own
Educational decisions.

9 Please stop questioning my competency and demanding to see my
Credentials. I didn’t have to complete a course in catering to
Successfully cook dinner for my family; I don’t need a degree in
Teaching to educate my children. If spending at least twelve years in
The kind of chew-it-up-and- spit-it-out educational facility we call
Public school left me with so little information in my memory banks
That
I can’t teach the basics of an elementary education to my nearest and
Dearest, maybe there’s a reason I’m so reluctant to send my child to
School.
10 If my kid’s only six and you ask me with a straight face how I can
Possibly teach him what he’d learn in school, please understand that
You’re calling me an idiot. Don’t act shocked if I decide to respond
In
Kind.

11 Stop assuming that because the word “home” is right there in
“homeschool, ” we never leave the house. We’re the ones who go to the
Amusement parks, museums, and zoos in the middle of the week and in
The
Off-season and laugh at you because you have to go on weekends and
Holidays when it’s crowded and icky.

12 Stop assuming that because the word “school” is right there in
Homeschool, we must sit around at a desk for six or eight hours every
Day, just like your kid does. Even if we’re into the “school” side of
Education — and many of us prefer a more organic approach — we can
Burn
Through a lot of material a lot more efficiently, because we don’t
Have
To gear our lessons to the lowest common denominator.

13 Stop asking, “But what about the Prom?” Even if the idea that my
Kid
Might not be able to indulge in a night of over-hyped, over-priced
Revelry was enough to break my heart, plenty of kids who do go to
School
Don’t get to go to the Prom. For all you know, I’m one of them. I
Might
Still be bitter about it. So go be shallow somewhere else.

14 Don’t ask my kid if she wouldn’t rather go to school unless you
Don’t
Mind if I ask your kid if he wouldn’t rather stay home and get some
Sleep now and then.

15 Stop saying, “Oh, I could never homeschool!” Even if you think
it’s
Some kind of compliment, it sounds more like you’re horrified. One of
These days, I won’t bother disagreeing with you any more.

16 If you can remember anything from chemistry or calculus class,
you’re
allowed to ask how we’ll teach these subjects to our kids. If you
can’t,
thank you for the reassurance that we couldn’t possibly do a worse
job
than your teachers did, and might even do a better one.

17 Stop asking about how hard it must be to be my child’s teacher as
well as her parent. I don’t see much difference between bossing my
kid
around academically and bossing him around the way I do about
everything
else.

18 Stop saying that my kid is shy, outgoing, aggressive, anxious,
quiet,
boisterous, argumentative, pouty, fidgety, chatty, whiny, or loud
because he’s homeschooled. It’s not fair that all the kids who go to
school can be as annoying as they want to without being branded as
representative of anything but childhood.

19 Quit assuming that my kid must be some kind of prodigy because
she’s
homeschooled.

20 Quit assuming that I must be some kind of prodigy because I
homeschool my kids.

21 Quit assuming that I must be some kind of saint because I
homeschool
my kids.

22 Stop talking about all the great childhood memories my kids won’t
get
because they don’t go to school, unless you want me to start asking
about all the not-so-great childhood memories you have because you
went
to school.

23 Here’s a thought: If you can’t say something nice about
homeschooling, be quiet!

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